The Double Healix model distinguishes six Parenting Balances. The first is the most basic and involves the balance between unconditional acceptance of a child and setting limits. The other parenting balances that are being discussed involve the balance between acting and empathy, between harmony and processing pain, between variety and identity, between status and integrity and, finally, between self and others. In this c... The Double Healix model distinguishes six Parenting Balances. The first is the most basic and involves the balance between unconditional acceptance of a child and setting limits. The other parenting balances that are being discussed involve the balance between acting and empathy, between harmony and processing pain, between variety and identity, between status and integrity and, finally, between self and others. In this course, these Parenting Balances are discussed using clear and appealing examples from films and documentaries. Show More

The first balance described in the Double Healix model concerns the tension field between acceptance and restrictions. It is about how, as educators of children and adolescents, we can strike a balance between what we accept from the children and where and how we set boundaries. For the sake of the child, but also for our own sake. In the deepest sense of parenting, this concerns the question of the degree of civilisation... The first balance described in the Double Healix model concerns the tension field between acceptance and restrictions. It is about how, as educators of children and adolescents, we can strike a balance between what we accept from the children and where and how we set boundaries. For the sake of the child, but also for our own sake. In the deepest sense of parenting, this concerns the question of the degree of civilisation we want to instil: in what way do we want to help the child develop self-discipline and order? Or vice versa: how wild, spontaneous and chaotic is a child allowed to remain if it wants to be able to live in a community? After all, if we leave the child too wild, spontaneous and uneducated, it may be rejected or even disowned by the community. But we can also make the child too modified and bloodless and then it too contributes little to that same community. As educators, it is a matter of radiating acceptance and trust, on the one hand, and setting boundaries and being trustworthy ourselves, on the other. Trust is the basic quality we can help develop in children. When we are both accepting and limiting, we help children build basic trust, both in themselves and in others. We do this by radiating confidence ourselves and being trustworthy. In other words, we offer a balance of unconditional acceptance on the one hand with rules and boundaries on the other. Show More

The second balance described in the Double Healix model concerns the tension field between action and empathy. In this chapter, we provide an overview of the main contrasts that require a balance between assertiveness and the ability to empathise with another being. We show different variations, but ultimately they boil down to the tension between being active and passive, between speaking and listening, between taking ac... The second balance described in the Double Healix model concerns the tension field between action and empathy. In this chapter, we provide an overview of the main contrasts that require a balance between assertiveness and the ability to empathise with another being. We show different variations, but ultimately they boil down to the tension between being active and passive, between speaking and listening, between taking action and experiencing, between competition and cooperation, between the ability to engage in conflict and reflection, between causing things and learning from the consequences of our actions. A healthy integration of these qualities fosters a sense of responsibility in the youngster. From the perspective of the caregiver, this chapter explores the Parenting Balance between, on the one hand, encouraging initiative and, on the other hand, encouraging reflection on one's own actions. The question here is also: how do you balance confronting a child with showing understanding? The central questions of this chapter are: how do you empower children in a way that also takes others into account? Or conversely: how do you help children to be empathetic while maintaining their assertiveness? There is evidence that people have an innate difference in the degree to which they tend to clash and compete or empathize and cooperate. In various personality scales, this is seen respectively as 'disagreeable' or unpleasant behavior (clashing, assertive, and sometimes aggressive) versus 'agreeable' or pleasant behavior (understanding, friendly). Each person must find their own balance in this regard. Some of the behavior may be innate, but an important part is learned, and there is always some degree of influence possible. Show More

The third balance described in the Double Healix model concerns the tension field between harmony and pain. This chapter deals with various parenting situations in which the pursuit of harmony is contrasted with living through grief and suffering. It involves the balance between covering up feelings of pain to promote harmony, on the one hand, and opening up these feelings to process them, on the other. The side of harmon... The third balance described in the Double Healix model concerns the tension field between harmony and pain. This chapter deals with various parenting situations in which the pursuit of harmony is contrasted with living through grief and suffering. It involves the balance between covering up feelings of pain to promote harmony, on the one hand, and opening up these feelings to process them, on the other. The side of harmony also involves building physical health, a solid resistance and good physical and mental condition. The side of pain and sorrow involves the unprocessed feelings that are disruptive to functioning and that 'want' to be seen, felt, understood and processed as best as possible. So this balance is about the extent to which our bodies and minds are healthy and vital enough to cope with the heavy side of life. But it goes further: it is also about building traditions and rituals to sustain a family or community. How much harmony and denial of pain do we need with each other in this? And how much pain can we handle to keep family and community going? How do we deal with dangerous behaviour, our urge to destroy things, and how do we deal with death? Death is part of life, just as destruction is part of construction. Profoundly, then, this Parenting Balance is about the tension between construction and destruction. When guiding young people with extra emotional baggage, the art is to let them 'brush up' a bit on harmony and building resilience and fitness. On that side of the Parenting Balance, you help them forget their pain for a while and have a positive experience. You are trying to strengthen their resilience. On the other side, your job is also to help them allow, feel and process the raw pain. So on the one hand you feed them, literally with healthy food and figuratively with a good atmosphere, on the other hand you help them to process pain, guilt, insight and blame. As with the previous two chapters, in this chapter we hope to make a plausible case that the two extremes can support each other: better resilience helps to process more pain and processing more pain can strengthen resilience. Show More

The fourth balance described in the Double Healix model concerns the tension field between variety and identity. In this chapter, we discuss Parenting Balance 4. From the perspective of young people, it involves, on the one hand, practicing variations, being curious, and playful, and on the other hand, making a serious choice, bringing focus, and forming an identity. From the perspective of caregivers, it concerns the ten... The fourth balance described in the Double Healix model concerns the tension field between variety and identity. In this chapter, we discuss Parenting Balance 4. From the perspective of young people, it involves, on the one hand, practicing variations, being curious, and playful, and on the other hand, making a serious choice, bringing focus, and forming an identity. From the perspective of caregivers, it concerns the tension between helping to 'open' the mind by offering alternatives ('you can also see it like this', 'try this out too') versus helping to 'close' the mind by strengthening identity ('this is who you are', 'this suits you'). This is an important tension, especially for adolescents. It involves the question of to what extent we, as caregivers, can help young people become who they want to be. Show More

The fifth balance described in the Double Healix model concerns the tension field between status and integrity. In this fifth chapter we discuss the balance between, on one hand, helping to develop conscience, character, honesty, and courage, and on the other hand, helping to build skills to survive in a world that often - alongside all its beauty, love, and benevolence - can also be ruthless, characterless, threatening,... The fifth balance described in the Double Healix model concerns the tension field between status and integrity. In this fifth chapter we discuss the balance between, on one hand, helping to develop conscience, character, honesty, and courage, and on the other hand, helping to build skills to survive in a world that often - alongside all its beauty, love, and benevolence - can also be ruthless, characterless, threatening, and deceitful. How do you guide a child to develop trust in fellow human beings and yet not be abused? How do you help a child to be sensitive and open without being bullied as a result? How do you guide a youth to stand up against injustice without feeling socially excluded, or worse? So we want our children to balance their kindness, to also be survivors in a harsh world. To know when it's time to stand up for their principles, and when the fight for them demands too much or isn't worth it. This requires the ability to assess which cause they deem important enough to fight for and which battles they let pass by. This is also known as: 'pick your battles'. These two areas of development (status and integrity) often contradict each other, but they can also serve and reinforce each other. For example, significant physical and mental resilience can help to courageously stand up for justice and principles. Show More

The sixth balance described in the Double Healix model concerns the tension field between 'myself' and 'other beings'. We live in a time of great change. The consumer society is coming to an end, globalization has peaked, digitalization, AI and robotisation advance rapidly and work needs to be redistributed. Young people are bombarded with more information than ever before, but also misinformation. Social media offer a vi... The sixth balance described in the Double Healix model concerns the tension field between 'myself' and 'other beings'. We live in a time of great change. The consumer society is coming to an end, globalization has peaked, digitalization, AI and robotisation advance rapidly and work needs to be redistributed. Young people are bombarded with more information than ever before, but also misinformation. Social media offer a virtual reality in which wealth and success are promised, and where everyone can have their 'fifteen minutes of fame'. On top of that, the repercussions of the coronavirus crisis, wars, and global recession have enormous effects on the rising generations. In this turbulent period, guiding growing children in developing authenticity, self-confidence, and a sense of involvement is a heavy but very important task. It is more urgent than ever to motivate them to contribute to a better society. The sixth Parenting Balance focuses on the tension between healthy egocentrism, self-esteem, and passion on one hand, and healthy altruism, modesty, and compassion on the other. It's about 'the self' and 'the other', center and surroundings, pride and gratitude, seeking attention and giving attention, taking care of oneself and taking care of others, self-confidence and humility. Using the word 'and' implies that this balance doesn't necessarily entail an unsolvable contradiction. After all, taking good care of oneself can provide a strong foundation for taking good care of others. Similarly, someone with enough self-confidence can also be modest in a healthy way. Also, healthy zest for life (passion) almost automatically leads to empathy for others (compassion). After all, we can only truly be happy if we also work towards the happiness of others. So, the two can reinforce each other. This sixth Parenting Balance involves the important question of how we can help young people find and explore their expression and passion, and how they can then contribute to society with their talents and competencies. In a way, it's also about authenticity and love. After all, if you don't handle your passion purely, you become a fake, and if you apply altruism from an unstable center, you become exhausted or even abused. Then you have to learn again how to love yourself as you love others. Show More